Celebrate America’s Next Top Model’s Acceptance

I am not ashamed to say I watch ANTM and I enjoy it. It’s one of my dirty little pleasures, as is most reality television. I’m not blind to the stereotypes it perpetuates, and I’m not blind to the ego of the panel, and I’m not blind to the other negatives. It, like everything, is not perfect. However, I do feel that it takes on a lot of issues, and offers a lot of good things.

For instance, on the latest cycle (11) there was a transgender contestant, Isis. Isis had amazing talent and was actually recruited by Tyra. I think this is an amazing thing. While I know the fashion world tends to be more accepting of a variety of people, we have to keep in mind that this show is nationally broadcasted. It is a show which has touched nearly every country, including several international spinoffs. That means millions upon millions of people see Isis, a beautiful transgender woman, in the mainstream where normally transgenders are stashed away in the dark. Isis could have went really far in the competition, though I think she psyched herself out which caused her early dismissal. I also think it allowed people’s concerns and fears to be publicly broadcast, and perhaps even encouraged discussion about the subject.

Let me tell you, some of the contestant’s responses were cruel, and disgusting and shallow. I’m sure the producers cut out the more jabbing of comments, because it is a show afterall, but the fact it showed any negative responses at all is a positive thing, IMO. I think this demonstrates just how ugly these thoughts and words can be. I think it shows how closed-minded people are, and I think when the girls later view their performances they’re going to be embarrassed. While I don’t want anyone to be shamed for what they think and feel, I believe that shining a spotlight on someone can sometimes provide a little insight. Though I wish theirs was a little less public, it is what it is.

I know Isis had some problems with being uncomfortable on set concerning wearing a swimsuit because she is pre-surgery, and I wish someone would have told her that the staff has her back. I think if something were exposed that shouldn’t be, the photographer would have ripped a new asshole in the person who dared any negative response. Then I think Tyra would follow suit. As self-centric as Tyra is, I believe she is a good person and wouldn’t have any of that bullshit. That doesn’t speak to the rest of the show’s crew, especially Sutan (one of the hair/make-up people) who has appeared on the show in drag. I wish there would have been more people who stepped up to Isis and was like “don’t sweat it, I’ve got your back” and maybe she wouldn’t have sweated the small stuff.

Of course, I completely understand where her fears and anxiety come from. She is a victim of terrorism and has to deal with the thought, every day, that it might be her last because of some silly ass fool who can’t handle who she is. So many of the contestants made statements about how in control and self-confident Isis is, how she doesn’t let shit get her down. I had to smirk when they said this, and comment to my husband, “Yeah, if they had to come to peace with the fact they could die, just by living, they would be more confident in who they are too”.

I know the show is about modeling, and the acceptance issue isn’t even close to being at the top of the agenda, but I do wish more of the downtime could have been focused on this elephant in the room. I feel as though since Tyra never brought it up with the girls, everyone was just pretending it didn’t exist on the outside. Yet, I am thankful that the invisibility was lessened, because even one inch is positive movement.

(Paying homage to my idea of Reward instead of Punishment. I would like to also cheer ANTM for the plus-size winner last year.)

Cheers for Candis Cayne and Transgenders

I watch Chelsea Lately. I know, activists everywhere groan with that admission. Chelsea, like Margaret Cho, are often times filled with “isms”. They’ve been made famous for shocking people, saying unladylike things, and being rude. I think that’s what appeals to me, because they break the mold of what a “woman” should be, and have made their way in the world without the need of a man. In a way that is feminism, but in another… well yeah. So, the other night I was watching and Chelsea and she had Candis Cayne as a guest. Candis is a very beautiful transgender woman. Chelsea doesn’t normally have many mainstream guests, so I was pleasantly surprised when they talked about Candis’ appearance on the ABC primetime drama Dirty Sexy Money. Not only does Miss Cayne appear on ABC as an actress, but as a transgender in a torrid affair with Billy Baldwin’s character.

I was impressed with ABC, because historically these types of roles were not played by actual transgenders. In fact, transgender characters as a whole were unheard of. So for a national television network to embrace such a character, and an actress, shows that society is definitely making a step forward. This is not to say there is no prejudices left, or that everything is hunky dory. I don’t have blinders on, but when someone does something good they deserve a cookie.

So congratulations to ABC, for doing the right thing, and for Candis Cayne for breaking the mold both on television, in beauty pageants, and in life.

Reward Instead of Punishment

I have never really understood why our society teaches to punish bad behaviors, but not reward for the good. If someone does what they are supposed to, then they are ignored. There have been countless stories about children in this dynamic. The one child who makes good grades, stays out of trouble and lives life doing the right thing is overlooked while the child who doesn’t do quite as well in school, gets into trouble and makes mistakes has attention poured on them. Granted, this attention is usually negative but any attention is better than no attention. At least, that’s what most child psychologists will explain to exasperated parents. And as so many things in life, that which we learn as children carries over into our adult life.

In an ideal world, perhaps those who did the right thing wouldn’t need praise because there wouldn’t be so many negative aspects. However, let’s be realistic. The world isn’t ideal and the people who do the right thing are lessening all the time. I believe in rewarding people for doing what they’re supposed to do. I’m not sure where the idea that doing right means not receiving love and appreciation, but I would wager a guess it can be traces through religion (specifically Christianity), but that may just be my bias. Specifically…

I believe when a man does not beat his wife, he should be praised and appreciated. I’m sure everyone can agree that men have always been the dominant figure. They are taught to only show “strong” emotions, and never weakness like sadness, mercy, or sympathy. Men are taught that they must defend their home, their families, and their country. Men are taught that to be men they must take part in “man” activities which are often violent, such as contact sports and hunting. Men are encouraged to undervalue women, to not maintain committed long-term relationships, and to gratify their animalistic desires to procreate, dominate, and destroy. Thus, when a man realizes that what society teaches them is wrong, that they don’t have to resort to violence, or be “tough” or dominate, they deserve to be praised.

When parents don’t beat their children, they deserve to be recognized and appreciated. So many things go into this. Violence often comes from people who lack the ability to express themselves with words, and our society has a history of oppressing every emotion, especially those deemed “sinful”. People still have not learned to communicate, or how to not control. Parents are taught to see their children as property that they have to control and mold, like some sort of pet. Women were also forced into the role of motherhood, unable to use birth control to stop unwanted pregnancies or have abortions when mistakes happen. They were forced into marriage and taught that they weren’t people, but living incubators whose sole purpose was to create life and obey their husbands. Men were forced into the role of fathers and husbands, before they even reached maturity. See above point concerning men and violence. Another factor is parents were taught to discipline their children with violence, do we forget the phrase “spare the rod, spoil the child”? Therefore, when parents learn that they cannot control every aspect of their child and cannot beat these children into submission, they should be praised. When parents learn that the way they were raised, and the discipline they received was not the most healthy way, they should be praised. When they realize their parents were human, and made mistakes, and they should learn from these mistakes and try to find a better way to raise their children, they should be praised. When parents realize they need to use their words to express disappointment, pain, fear, uncertainty instead of violence, they should be praised. When women know they don’t have to be mothers, and instead are able to make an educated choice from desire and love, they should be praised. When people stop looking at having children as an unfortunate event, something that ruins their life, and ends all their dreams, they should be praised.

I could go on for pages. I could list the reasons why someone who owns their privilege should be praised, or a teenager who doesn’t succumb to peer pressure to have sex or do harmful drugs, or when people aren’t homophobic or racist or sexist should be praised. We all know the stereotypes. We have to look at the state of the world, and see that obviously “punish the sin” only mentality is not working. People are tired of feeling ashamed when they make a mistake and being ignored when they try to be good people. Folks are sick of being grouped in with the negative, and being called out and insulted when they try to stand up and disassociate themselves.

It has always been my policy in life to ignore those who do the horrible things, because no attention is worse than calling them out, and to lavish praise, appreciation and acceptance on those who do the right thing.