After Thanksgiving Wears Off

The holiday season at my house, as I suspect is the same for most all families, is filled with negative body talk. I think now that I am more aware of the misconceptions concerning being fat, it’s easier for me to not immediately resort to shame when someone talks about their body. It also makes me sad though, because I want to share my new insights with my family members (we’re female majority) but I know they are simply not ready to acknowledge anything besides what they think they already know. This isn’t just assumption on my part, I’ve actively tried to talk to them, share links and research and what not, but was shut down several times. In one conversation, to give an example, my Aunt responded to the statistics and information I provided concerning WLS surgery with “I think it’s supposed to teach people how to eat right”. That took me by surprised and as I explained that WLS actually deprives the body of nutrients and causes starvation, they looked at me and then went on to talk about how WLS is really great. (Does anyone else notice their need to justify why they have formed the conclusions they have about things, especially family and friends?)

My older cousin ran around insisting people feel her bicep and stomach muscles, exclaiming how much energy she’s had lately since she’s started ADD medicine. It’s been so wonderful, she states, because it makes her not want to eat so she’s lost 11 pounds. I think to myself, isn’t that what speed does too? Is she really ADD (she’s 27, and the story goes she told her doctor she needed it and he prescribed it without any tests) or simply using the legal capitalist way to take drugs in that eternal struggle to be thin? This same cousin states she will not be seen without high heels because she doesn’t want to be considered short. I wonder when being short became a faux pas. Then she lead a 30 minute discussion with our younger cousins, age ranging between 22 and 15, about what they can do to “get healthy” and lose weight.

The saddest part of this whole ordeal is my 15-year-old cousin. She made an entrance into the celebration all dressed up, wearing one of those fancy, puffy dresses they wear now and three inch heels. I know I struggled between telling her she looked beautiful, to make her feel secure in herself, and making comments on the horrors of high heels and feeling one has to dress up and wear “the right thing” in order to fit in and be accepted. She’s impressionable, and I want to help her learn to be comfortable in her own skin. Of course, I have no idea how to relate to a 15-year-old and struggle with my own self-esteem issues. Anyhow, the first words out of my grandmother’s mouth was “you look pregnant”. The alarm bells went off, because pregnant equals fat equals horror and death. The rest of the celebration my cousin made comments about how she eats, what she looks like, etc. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I’m not sure if she has unhealthy issues with her weight, to the point where it should be troubling, or if it’s just the level we’ve all come to regard as normal (which is terrifying in and of itself). Not only that, but I would really love to see her get to a point where she doesn’t have any issues at all. I’m not really sure what to do about the whole situation. I’m rather reserved as a whole, so it’s not like we’re close, and I’m just not sure if she would take anything I have to say seriously, especially when the rest of the world is talking over me. It’s hard enough as a teenager to go against one’s peers, but to go against the world seems impossible.

Overall, I am fairly proud of how I handled the comments about eating too much, or exercising, or being fat, or being lazy. I didn’t watch what I ate: if I wanted something, I partook. I didn’t call myself fat or say anything self-deprecating disguised as humor. When others were talking about weight and body image, I just kept quiet and mentally reminded myself of what I learned through Fat Acceptance. I think it also helped that my husband was there and I could always look over at him and know he was thinking the same thing about those comments and conversations. The next couple of days, I did struggle with feeling fat and thinking about dieting and just feeling wrong. I think I am perking up from that, and I am trying not to be too hard on myself for those feelings because after the onslaught it is only natural to expect some of those old emotions to rise up.

What is Thanksgiving?

When I was growing up, I was taught that Thanksgiving started with the Pilgrims and Indians. The Pilgrims had a horrible winter and would have starved to death were it not for the kindness of the Indians. As I aged I learned about the massacre of the Indians, who should be called Native Americans, and instead of the Pilgrims just being helpless colonist they were actually responsible for murder, mayhem, destruction and theft. I decided, at that time, that I wouldn’t be a supporter of Thanksgiving anymore. As I think back, it was likely just an excuse to get out of family gatherings. As ignorant and uncaring as it sounds, while the destruction of the Native American people is horrible, my juvenile self was much more self centered. It was always a holiday I shied away from because of my preconceived notions of negativity, but never bothered to really learn about, as so many “facts” circulated society. As I come into adulthood and have a family of my own, I feel it’s time to take another look at this American holiday, find out what its origins are, and really assess the validity of my earlier decision.

My first stop in learning was Wikipedia. While not always the most accurate, I find it to encompass a lot of information and I make sure to look at the citations before taking anything literally. My focus, also, is on the United States Thanksgiving Day. From my reading, it seems no one really knows when the first Thanksgiving was had, but that most everything that was taught concerning it is a lie.

The first recorded Thanksgiving was held by the Spaniards in 1565 in thanks of their arrival in a new world. The article specifically lists it as “Mass of Thanksgiving”, and given that Roman Catholicism is the major religion in Spain gives implication that this was a religious ceremony. The next recorded celebration was in 1619 when the Virginia colony gave thanks to God on the first day of their arrival per the group’s charter. Next, in 1621, the Pilgrims and Wampanoag surfaced with their Thanksgiving celebration. A major element with this, however, is that these people didn’t regard their celebration as “Thanksgiving”, as we do now, but as a celebration of the harvest which was traditional for both culture prior to this. While the Native Americans did teach the Pilgrims how to catch eel and grow corn, it was not the great feast and friendship that Charlie Brown would have people believe. Especially since a year later the Indian Massacre of 1622 took place. From this point, the idea of Thanksgiving was primarily based upon colony and culture:

The Pilgrims did not hold a true Thanksgiving until 1623, when it followed a drought, prayers for rain, and a subsequent rain shower. Irregular Thanksgivings continued after favorable events and days of fasting after unfavorable ones. In the Plymouth tradition, a thanksgiving day was a church observance, rather than a feast day.

Gradually, an annual Thanksgiving after the harvest developed in the mid-17th century. This did not occur on any set day or necessarily on the same day in different colonies in America.

The Massachusetts Bay Colony (consisting mainly of Puritan Christians) celebrated Thanksgiving for the first time in 1630, and frequently thereafter until about 1680, when it became an annual festival in that colony; and Connecticut as early as 1639 and annually after 1647, except in 1675. The Dutch in New Netherland appointed a day for giving thanks in 1644 and occasionally thereafter.

Charlestown, Massachusetts held the first recorded Thanksgiving observance June 29, 1671 by proclamation of the town’s governing council.

During the 18th century individual colonies commonly observed days of thanksgiving throughout each year. We might not recognize a traditional Thanksgiving Day from that period, as it was not a day marked by plentiful food and drink as is today’s custom, but rather a day set aside for prayer and fasting.

During the American Revolutionary War (1775-1783) in 1777, after victory at the Battles of Saratoga, the first National Thanksgiving Day was proclaimed by the Continental Congress to be on December 18th. The Continental Congress also proclaimed additional Thanksgiving Days every year or so throughout the war until 1784. These proclamations were heavily laced with Christian language and in support of the “just and necessary war” and very rarely done in November. No Thanksgiving proclamations were made again until 1789 when George Washington issued one as the first President of the United States. It wasn’t until 1863, under Abraham Lincoln, that Thanksgiving began to be celebrated annually on the last Thursday in November, without a government proclamation. It was Franklin D. Roosevelt that broke this tradition, and moved Thanksgiving to the fourth Thursday of November when the month had five, and the third when the month had four. Finally, in 1941 that the U.S. Congress passed a law dictating that Thanksgiving be celebrated annually on the fourth Thursday in November. Thus the holiday has evolved into what it is today.

The history of Thanksgiving in 700 words, ladies and gentlemen. If you’re still with me, congrats and thanks. What this all seems to boil down to, for me at least, is that Thanksgiving’s roots are in religious (namely Christian) celebration, praise of victory in wartimes, or when neither of the two were available, just a good ole slap on the back for America and praise for “the Almighty”. Even when the celebration was had for wartime, the proclamations were decidedly Christian in nature. So while families may not play up the religious side of the holiday, it definitely stems from religion. However, does that make it a religious holiday? As someone considering converting to Judaism, should I be partaking of this holiday because it is part of the history of my country despite the Christian connotations? Should I ignored the history of the holiday and instead focus on the ideal of thanking God, or my family, or myself for all that has been accomplished and received? Should I just be thankful and celebrate without worrying myself so much about what Thanksgiving really means? Is Thanksgiving just another consumerist holiday like St. Valentine’s?

Knowing what you now do about Thanksgiving, what are your thoughts?