So, I finally got around to watching the girls at Project Lifesize. I think they’re all doing a fabulous job and I really admire the strength and courage and openness it takes to do what they’re doing.

Also, I know I haven’t posted in awhile. I think I got rather discouraged. Which also contributes to this idea.

I did some searching on YouTube and I really found no other Fat Positive, Fat Acceptance type stuff. I would really like to see a channel that encompasses the “fat is not unhealthy” mentality, that is educational about HAES and Intuitive Eating, that has commentary on the various news reports and studies and different aspects of being fat. I would also like this space to have some diversity. I would like to include other social commentary, issues concerning racism and white privilege, issues concerning the Queer community, issues about gender roles and the beauty standard and feminism in general, and politics and issues of the world. I would like to encompass a broad variety of things. I would also like the vloggers to be from different socio-economic backgrounds and be people with different belief structures and different ways of life.

What does everyone think of something like this? Is it possible? Is the subject matter too vast? Would anyone be interested in vlogging? I admit I’ve never vlogged before, however I think it’s an area that really needs infiltration. The FA community is really prominent in blogs, which is an excellent thing! I would just like to see us branch out. And my interests extend outside of FA so I would want to bring them along as well.

As I see it working, we’d make a collaborative channel, like Project Lifesize and it’s sister channel(s). I was thinking maybe 5 or 6 days would have a set person that posts, and then on the 7th day we would take additional commentary from people who aren’t part of the collaboration or viewer contributions or extra posts from the people who are working there. If there was enough interest, we could even post more than once a day with videos from outside the core group. I’m not sure it would really get that far, though I don’t want to limit ourselves either.

I don’t know. It’s an idea I’m kind of excited about, I could definitely get behind it. I guess my little hater is just there telling me no one wants to be involved in this type of project, and no one would watch, and I’m just in way over my head here. Anyone have any thoughts?

I had a very interesting situation happen to me today. I just recently started playing an online game, and as I tend to do I was browsing the forums trying to discover tips and get to know the people there. There was a particular thread where folks could post item “wishlists” for the game. One poster was posting their list over and over again, about twice per page. This was annoying some people who made pissy comments. Then someone notified the members that the “spammer” didn’t speak very good English, in fact Spanish was his first language, and then asked if anyone knew Spanish so the etiquette rules could be explained. One gentlemen, we’ll call him GG, said: ……………..donto posto every pago…..???

See what he did there? Funny, right?

No, not at all. There were several people who laughed. I posted that I thought the comment was racist. The backlash was not pretty.

GG: ha ha…..ok….im jewish with a big nose ok????
Me: Then you should know better.
Becks: hey yoou are beautiful…………..nose sizes and culture dont even come into it…..anyway the man in your picture doesnt have a big nose!!!!!!!!!!!
Mary: I’m sure it was meant as a little joke..no racists here…. :thumbs:
GG: we are all good ppl here….just kidding…..calm down…..and i do know better….. *boggled face*
Kerry [in response to Mary]: Exactly! :thumbs:
Me [in response to Mary]: I understand it was meant as a joke. And I’m not saying that GG is a racist. I’m just pointing out that while the intention may have been innocent, it is still racist and perhaps more thought should be given before saying such things in the future.
Mary [in response to Me]: but if we can’t joke with each other here it’s no fun..we’ve “known” each other so long!!..how can anyone here be racist..we gift each other equally no matter where they’re from or who they are!!!
Me: I would say making a joke at the expense of another is no fun, especially when it insults an entire culture.
Scuba [in response to Me]: You guys, let’s just drop this ok? No one was trying to offend anyone, it was just a little play on words, I do it all the time too, and I have lived everywhere, seen tons of cultures, and love them all!! Let’s keep this thread nice and friendly please?
Becks [in response to Me]: the remark wasnt meant to be racist, or a joke on others behalf…….i think you are over analysing the situation,pople on here help others, we all know each other well, no harm was meant….
Mary [in response to Me]: no one was insulted but you..
GG [in response to Me]: ok now im upset…..u dont know me…and u dont know how many items i gave to arebs jews…spanish and americans….so just keep ur ideas for yourself…cause ur trying to look smart…but your not…………..
Mary [in response to Scuba]: exactly…someone needs to make a scene!
Pink [in response to GG]: IGNORE them adn they’ll go away hopefully
Becks [to someone who asked what was going on]: no love, some sad individual that is trying to make something out of nothing to make themselves feel better…………which to me is shallow!!! how are you?
Mary [to the same person as Becks] not at all hun..just someone wanting to cause drama for no reason!! how are you sweety??
GG: thank you the one who ruined my mood……………….im out

Queue bunch of folks begging GG not to go, remarking that ME didn’t know what they were talking about, etc., etc., etc., “You know it wasn’t racist”, ad nauseam.

This whole situation was really unsettling to me. I admit it, I cried. The kneejerk reactions, the patting each other on the back for not being racist while simultaneously insulting me and making passive-aggressive remarks just knocked me right in the stomach. A white male makes a racist comment, gets called out on it, and then is flocked to and fawned over by white females until it’s “all better” and he’s reassured he’s not really a racist. These are likely some of the same women who swear up and down they’re not racist, they’re colorblind, they never say a negative word about anyone. It just angers me, and frustrates me, and hurts me. Especially as a white woman. Can you imagine the backlash if I would have been a Latino person, or some other minority trying to speak out for themselves?

And people say that racism no longer exists. I left the thread without any more comments, unable to stand up and make more of a confrontation. I feel ashamed about that, I wish I would have been stronger in the moment. However, a friend of mine, trying to console me, said:

In other words, this guy (and this community), knows that what he said is racist. But, he didn’t really mean it in a racist or negative way. He was reaching for the cheap laugh. Sometimes…as a crusader, you have to take your lumps. You have to let the vitriol and irrational self-righteousness wash over you. You know, when you stir up someone, they feel like they got spanked, or slapped or something. Smacked down. That’s what he feels now. My suggestion is to drop it. You don’t want to turn into a drama loci. You just want the racism to stop. For people to be aware of the connection between their actions and the state of the modern world. I think you’ve probably done that. This guy won’t, probably, reach for the same cheap laugh again. He’ll be afraid, next time he’s tempted, that someone will call him on it and embarrass him in public like you did. I call that a victory. However, now, you have to let the children call you names, after you put them in the corner. That’s how it works. “Mom” gives the kid a timeout, the kid tells mom that he hates her and she’s ugly and stupid. However, the kid learns his lesson and doesn’t get put into the corner for the same thing again, because he knows if he does it again, he’ll be back in the corner. Effective parenting through superior firepower.

What do you all think?

ETA: As Meowser and Meghan pointed out to me, this isn’t necessarily racism since a native Spanish speaker could be any race. Thank you for that correction ladies. Yes, even I am not perfect and need to adjust my thinking. However, that does not mean that I believe the comments made were discriminatory, just that I put the wrong label on it.

I see a lot of people checking out my post on which companies perform animal testing, and thus I wanted to make sure to spread the news. It seems many small companies which make green products, and often don’t test on animals, have been bought up by larger companies that do.

In 2006 Tom’s of Maine was purchased by Colgate-Palmolive.

In 2007 Burt’s Bees was purchased by Clorox.

There was a third one, however, I can’t recall what it is at the moment. I am not suggesting to those who read this blog that they refrain from purchasing Burt’s Bees or Tom’s of Maine. I leave the choice to each individual, as they have to decide what they want to support. I haven’t made up my own mind yet. I think continuing to purchase green products owns by corporations will help send the message that this is what we want, so perhaps the corporations will lessen their production of harmful chemicals. However, I also realize that if I buy these brands, knowing they test on animals, then I am sending a message of a different kind. It’s not an easy decision. I just like consumers to be informed.

I welcome posts on other green products which are owned by corporations, so that people can be informed. I also welcome discussion on which side of the argument y’all are on.

I don’t talk much about my depression in day-to-day life. I don’t talk about it here, and I don’t talk about it in RL. Sometimes on my LiveJournal, though I’ve tappered off over the years. If there is one thing I have learned in this life, is that people don’t want to hear about the sad. Most of the times when I do talk about it, I either get no response at all or a dismissive “things will get better” or “keep your chin up”. I know people think they are helping, however they are not. Anyway, my therapist thinks I really need to learn how to disclose to people and talk about things. Thus, I am going to try to do so. I’ll start in the written format, since I’m most comfortable there, and hopefully it’ll build into face-to-face stuff. I hope my disclosure helps people. I hope somewhere out there people can relate. And if not, well, it’s my blog so it doesn’t really fucking matter ayway (only it does, though I try to tell myself it doesn’t).

Today I would like to disclose that I feel like everything about me is wrong. Even the things I like about myself are wrong. I feel a constant separation from the world at large. I know, I know, everyone feels isolated and alone but we’re really not and if we could just talk and love one another then everything would be okay. I call bullshit on that one. As a 26-years-old (Is that the right way to write that? I can never figure it out.) woman who doesn’t drink, doesn’t have sex, doesn’t adhere to gender roles, is married to man who doesn’t adhere to gender roles, comes from poverty, and is an anarchist and humanist, I call bullshit. Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet someone? To make friends? I know, I know, everyone has problems meeting people, yet on the fundamental levels (at least, the levels we’re taught are fundamental) I don’t fit in. I don’t go out with people for drinks, I don’t hang out in bars like most people my age, I don’t like alcohol. I think it’s poison. I can’t hook up with my girlfriends to share tales about meeting men or having sex. I don’t think anyone’s life should revolve around matching up, and I really think there is more to life than having sex. That is not to say I think people are wasting their time, I have no judgment on how someone else lives their life, I just can’t relate and share and form friendships over it because it is foreign to me.

I find it near impossible to have friends which are married. It seems the only thing these people are concerned with are having kids, getting 9 to 5 jobs, buying houses, and trying to make a nuclear family. I’m not interested in that. I know every married person in the world isn’t doing this, just every married person I’ve met. Ha! Anyway, I don’t prescribe to any of that stuff. I’m not interested in having children, a day job, a house or living in a “typical” family environment.

Anyway, I won’t address every detail. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I do want to point out that ontop of this stuff, there is a level of intolerance in our Society. Everyone seems to hate someone for something. Discrimination is build into our every day language to the point where most people don’t realize it anymore. However, I do. I recognize it all the time and when I point it out, I feel as though the response is that I’m just being crazy PC. My husband thinks he is being all good male because he says he doesn’t like it when a woman wears make-up. Well, dear husband (and I tell him this too), it’s really not any of your business what a woman does with her body. Of course he concedes and acknowledges this, however if it would have been any other person things likely wouldn’t have gone so smoothly. Especially one who isn’t open minded. I know that I don’t /have/ to say things to people when they’re being discriminatory. Yet, I feel it is my duty as a human being who cares for other human beings to stand up against what isn’t right. I’m not an activist per se, I just believe for “evil” to win all it takes is for good people to stand around and do nothing.

So yes, my strong convictions cause me to be apart from the pact. I know there are many bloggers out there who talk about this same thing. How they are accosted for being too PC. It’s a hard knock life. Let me go even further. I have these “fundamental” things that keep me separate, I have these convictions that keep me isolated, and I have this profound sadness that makes it near unbearable to be in the world. I watch this discrimination that is built into our world, the way people scapegoat one another and hate and destroy and tear apart, and it literally breaks my heart. I feel the weight of it in my body. Every time. I just want to tell people if they stop, if they just stop pointing fingers and accept everyone’s autonomy and allowed people to make mistakes and be wrong than so much sadness could be erased. I’m not saying it would end all discrimination, that would be silly. I do think it would make the world a happier, more loving place though. And yet I cannot say these things, because I come off like a preaching, self-righteous, jerk.

So the world hates me. The world hates me because I am fat. The world hates me because I am Jewish. The world hates me because I do not want to be a mother, because I will not assume my role as “the wife”, because I refuse to bond over hating my body and diet-talk. The world hates me because I believe people should be able to kill themselves if they want and because I think patriarchy kills souls. The world hates me for so many things, and yet this wouldn’t be so traumatic if I could love myself. The world hates me for being a victim and for not picking myself up by my bootstraps as fast as they deem appropriate. Yet, I feel like I can’t and still live in the world. I feel in order to appreciate who I am, I would have to become a hermit and move away from all the hate people sling at one another. Because when anything semi-liquid is slung, there is back splash and spray and it gets on me and makes me hate myself. I hate that I can’t connect with people, or that I have to choose between connecting with them and being who I am.

So I am left with the same question that has been plaguing me for years, what is left, what do I do? If I can’t even find love for myself, or the goodness in the world and people, what the hell is left?

Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
There was a lot of things I loved about this book, and a lot of things I hated.

Pros:

- The fact that the heroine did find love, at her size, and that she had love before. Also that she had friends, and a successful life, and many of the things she wanted. She wasn’t waiting to lose weight before having a life.

- The honest body talk. Cannie talks about her body in the same way most every other person does. Even though she is on the smaller size of being “fat”, she still sees herself as this horrific creature who doesn’t deserve love or happiness because she’s fat. It was great to mention the white elephant in the room.

- Cannie was honest about why she wanted to lose weight, why she needed to lose weight. It was only because she wasn’t attractive according to the world as she saw it. She wasn’t acceptable to herself and felt unacceptable to everyone else. It wasn’t this hiding behind being healthy crap.

- The doctor was honest about the weight loss. He admitted that the medical world doesn’t know what makes a body fat or thin, yet they still push this archaic idea of calories in and calories out. He admitted that even with medicine and surgery, the ability to change a person’s body is unknown and it is very unlikely any weight lost will stay off. He also didn’t preach, mostly, about healthy related illnesses which the medical community claim to be caused by obesity.

- Cannie was smart, witty, and Jewish. I love that her mother was queer, and that the family was a little dysfunctional but still loving. I thought the characters were well fleshed out and surprising in some ways. I also liked the way that Cannie didn’t mind talking about being fat. Even though it wasn’t in a positive light, she still talked about it. And not in hushed voices like someone would say cancer, she was really willing to bust out with it.

- There was no glamorization of Cammie’s unhealthy weight loss. She wasn’t praised and the doctor specifically said she needs to eat.

- The ex-boyfriend was/is still in love with our heroine.

Cons:

- Completely unbelievable. A fat journalist just happens to find herself in a situation to become bosom buddies with a movie star that whisks her off to vacation and buys her furniture after one bonding experience. Puh-lease.

- Standard white middle class privileged problems. The lack of heterosexual marriage, having a baby out of wedlock, the whole coming to turns with that and how childbirth makes everything worthwhile. It’s the same played out story. Plus it went way off into the fantasy spotlight when Cannie’s screenplay hit big and everyone lived happily ever after.

- She is still in the lower side of the fat spectrum. I don’t consider a 14-18 being anything to bat eyelashes at.

- I also find the boldness of Cannie to talk about her fat a little off-putting as well. I think this is due to the fact she is so depressing and self-deprecating. Of course, that’s what makes her wry wit so good, however it can get old as well. This goes on both sides of the list for me.

View all my reviews.

As many people are aware, February is Black History Month. Now, I’m not down for a specific month or day which celebrates a particular minority. To me, that’s like saying the minority shouldn’t be recognized the rest of the time. It’s a sign that we still have so much work to do and that so many people are unaware of the implications of race in our society. My husband just told me that he didn’t even know racism and slavery existed before he moved to America. He was born and raised in Ukraine, coming over to the States at age 14, and never even saw a person of color before. He also likes to harp on me about how it’s more about culture, than about race, as that’s what he was taught, but we’re getting there. He’s starting to see more and more. Anyway.

For Black History Month our local university, Portland State, held a big event. There was a speaker and Soul food and some local artists. It was pretty amazing. Well, the artists were. It was during this event, or rather the three or four times I welled up with tears, that I realized I identify most with the Black culture. Don’t misunderstand me. I am not Black, that I know, and I will never understand what it is to be Black. However, we do share a lot of the same issues. Perhaps it is because I grew up in the South, and while us Southerners have a reputation for not being the most racially accepting people we still were at the forefront of Slavery. I’m not bragging about that. My point is that something good did stem from the horrific act of Slavery. The South is very well populated with Black culture. I speak of Atlanta specifically, which is where I was born, though Georgia is not the only Southern state by far to have a large Black population. This means all my life I was in the Black community. Black people were my neighbors, my friends, my lovers, my companions. And while my family is racist, despite their insistence otherwise, I never was. Instead, I saw a culture which was like home to me. The same way I feel about finding Judaism and asexuality, as though it is where I belong.

This realization is terrifying to me on so many levels. I know when people look at me they see a White woman. Though this is not how I see myself, I am not blind or stupid. And thus I wonder if this culture that I find at home in will find a home with me. Will people accept me? Will I be allowed to make friends, participate, commiserate, love? I think this is something I was trying to express in my Feminism, Privilege, Race and Other Stuff post. I have come to understand that “White People” who don’t just allow racist jokes, or racist policies, or racist whatever to pass us by without comment or assistance to change are generally not the “White People” being spoken about. I think that is what Black writers mean when they say “White People” shouldn’t feel ashamed or as though they’ve sinned. However, it becomes really hard to remind one’s self that they are not being included in a general subset like “White People” when one knows that they are seen as a “White Person”. When I read line after line about what “White People” do that is racist, or unhelpful or prejudicial, it becomes really frustrating. I am flippantly and sarcastically told that I deserve a cookie if I mention that I am not one of those “White People”.

And I understand, I do. I represent a race that has dominated, oppressed, tortured, ridiculed, shamed, murdered, raped, and so many other offenses I can’t even count, the Black race and many other races. I understand that there is a lot of emotion and tension built up on the subject. I understand that I can’t see every racial oppression and that things that affect Black people won’t affect me. However, I want to be able to stand with the people I love and feel the most connected with and fight the battles that need to be fought. When I put my fist in the air as a symbol of revolution and empowerment, I hope that the people of color around me will know I mean it with all my heart. I hope I will be able to show that I’m not just another privileged White Person trying to save the brown women from the brown men. I’m not a missionary trying to convert.

Does that make sense to anyone else? I know I will always be seen as White, because that is what my skin color says, even if my heart and soul speak differently. Is there a place in the world for someone like me?

I’ve noticed a trend within the fatosphere lately. Maybe it has always been there, and my being new resulted in it going unnoticed before. It was mentioned before in my Creating Community post; “it” being the whole hierarchy between the good fatties and the bad. More and more I’ve noticed entries which discuss healthy eating, which hold food as moral character indicators, and posts outlining how the authors needs to incorporate more physical exercise into their life. To me, these things sound oddly similar to a diet. The regulation of food, the insistence on exercise, the weighing of what foods should and shouldn’t be eaten. And while there is also mention of listening to one’s body and enjoying the exercise, something inside of me is struggling.

Perhaps it is because every time I read these posts I feel as though I am not doing my part to represent the fat world. I am not trying to eat healthier, and by that I mean trying to choose mostly vegetables and whole grains or exclude soda. I do not exercise, and I do not want to. I don’t really enjoy the whole physical exertion thing. There are some things I’m doing, such as eating less meat or taking an Omega 3 supplement, though none of these things are to be healthier. And I worry, if I am judging myself based on these entries and deciding whether or not I’m a good fattie, what are these things doing to the writers?

Am I way off base here, folks? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill or are more and more fat acceptance blogs concerned more with being healthy (It seems they all follow HAES as well) and fat than just acceptance of all fat?

There is one thing our society teaches women: they will never do anything greater than have children. Everywhere there is discussion of reproduction. From the highest level of our government with the President signing bills concerning whether or not a woman has the right to choose if she gives birth all the way to the insistent allusions to ticking biological clocks from strangers in passing, the issue of child bearing is a hot topic. Children are glamorized in every aspect of our Society. They are the future that the people must preserve our planet for, the hopes of tomorrow that carry on our legacy, and the icons to be better humans. The desire for children is broadcast for every family unit: heterosexual, homosexual, single or any variation in between.

Every media outlet is sure to let women know their job in life: to produce babies. Every middle class mother on television, in books, on the movie screen is shown telling their daughters, friends, husbands, doctors, and whoever will listen that having a baby is the single most important thing they will ever do in their life. It is all they want, it is the only thing to make life complete. Years ago it was marriage which held this sort of esteem, though only because it lead to baby making. Now that a woman no longer needs to be married, or even have sex with a man, in order to have children the nuptials are no longer important. And it is not enough for a woman just to rear children, to love them, to help them form as individuals. No. A woman must /birth/ a child. Only if a child is a biological match is it truly accepted, loved, and seen as the holy grail. Then the list of acceptable alternative methods declines from there. If a woman cannot physically give birth, she should find a surrogate to implant her egg in, or have the egg implanted with sperm by the doctor and then harvested into her uterus. On the bottom rung of the childbirth pool is adoption. It is only acceptable as a last resort.

With these messages running hard, fast, and furious through our society I am not surprised that girls are becoming pregnant sooner and sooner. I have read articles that attribute this to early puberty, the increase in sexuality in the media, the lack of proper sex education, and the dominance of men in our culture. While I do not doubt these things play a part in the rise of teenage pregnancies, I do not think that part is as large as we are being asked to believe. I believe teenage girls are taking this message of only being as worthy as the children they produce to heart.

There are countless studies showing the lack of self-worth in the majority of teenage girls. As women we understand the feelings of oppression that we face every day. We know what it is like to be forced to adhere to gender roles and society standards in order to survive. It was not long ago that we weren’t even allowed to vote, much less live our lives without being attached to a man. While the options a woman has has greatly increased, sometimes the future looks bleak. Especially for the girl who doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. The girl who feels left behind and left out. The girl who struggles to know herself or find a way in this world that is hers. A girl who is told she will never be able to be more than a waitress at a restaurant, or a rich man’s wife.

And when these messages of being worthless, unimportant, and lackluster are at their boiling point, when a teenage girl is so confused and frustrated with life and is at the whims of hormones and sorting our her own thoughts, there are the constant reassurances that babies make life better. There is no better feeling than holding one’s child in one’s arms. No one will ever love a woman the way her child does. If the child does well, then the mother is to thank, the mother has proven herself worthwhile. There is nothing in life that can ever compare to having a baby.

It doesn’t surprise me that our girls don’t listen to us when we tell them to wait to have sex and when we warn them about pregnancy and STDs. They don’t care, because even if they do have a baby, it will be the most beautiful, wonderful thing to ever happen. We tell our girls to go to college, to get a job, to travel the world and then have babies. We tell them not to ruin their lives so early on, not to get tied down to childcare and mortgage payments. That is like a whisper amongst the shouting of millions. Why should they waste so much time in college, in a career even, when their entire life will boil down to having a child? Why do we expect our young girls to heed our advice when we still put so much emphasis on them creating life?

No, I am not surprised that teenage pregnancy is on the rise, and I am not surprised that so many young girls are trying to get pregnant in order to fill something inside of them. It’s what our world is encouraging them to do, and until we begin to change that message, things will not change.

Hey Folks,

I just wanted to point out a couple changes that’s taken place. First is the blog layout/theme. WordPress has thin pickings when it comes to three columns, and I felt this one was the best for what I wanted. I’m not sure how I feel about the blogroll and stuff being at the bottom, however it’s growing on me.

I’ve added an asexuality feed as well. The feed can be seen at AVEN, but I didn’t like the design and implementation, so I did my own. There aren’t a lot of blogs, however the work is quality. If anyone ever wants to join this feed, just let me know. If anyone wants off, it only takes a request and no questions are asked. I just like spreading the word.

There is a new link at the top called “Shared Posts”. This will lead to a webpage for my Google Reader shares. I share all kinds of things from FA to Celebrity blog posts with a little feminism and local community stuff thrown in. I decided to do it this way because I’ve notice the blogs I follow, especially ones that are a community in and of itself, have repeating posts. A hot topic within the community will be covered by at least five bloggers. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to rehash the same information in the same way. This is not to look down on any other blogger. We all have our own style and ways we wish to communicate. Plus, there are others who say things way better than I ever could and I prefer to spotlight them instead of try. So please feel free to check out the link, add it to your RSS readers, or don’t. I’d love to hear feedback on it if you’ve got any.

I’m planning several posts and they are coming soon. I have been very busy, thus being overwhelmed couples with my depression/anxiety/culture shock has caused me to be kinda reclusive. I’m feeling more and more revitalized every day so I’m sure posts will be popping up shortly. I’ve got thoughts on SockDreams, Pregnancy and Marriage, a review of Good in Bed, Clothing and it’s ability to make one magically thin (or not), my own racial identity, and much much much more. I look forward to connecting with all of you soon.

How have you been as of late?

ETA: Oh, and I’ve removed HAES links from my blogroll until I can decide how I feel about them. The blogroll is perpetually under construction. So one day a link may be there, the next day it may not. On that note, I am thinking about starting a mutual linking category to help promote community. Basically I would have blogs that I put on my blogroll, and in return they do the same, and we make sure to put it in a visible place. Maybe I’ll make a page for it, with little descriptions and stuff. Of course, it would be blogs that I enjoy though not necessarily agree. Does anyone want to do this with me?

Someone on one of my blogs recommended Manolo for the Big Girl because it was funny. I decided to add it to my feed in order to evaluate for myself. Then one day I came across a post where Plumcake asks what big girls who don’t dress “chicly” are afraid of. This upset me. It is yet another person calling out those who “don’t fit” and trying to make them feel ashamed and broken. It’s another hierarchy being created. Oh yes, we here at Manolo for the Big Girl are fat, but we’re “fashionably” fat because we do our hair and wear cool clothes and buy high heeled brand named shoes. Just like the healthy fattie discussion. Anyone who doesn’t adhere to this is obviously just coping out. There is no excuse not to dress up and look good! What is wrong with /you/?

Needless to say, I removed the feed and was going to leave it alone, especially after reading the comments which all rang in about how horrible it is not to dress nice and look one’s best. I wanted to leave it alone, but the post kept rising up in my thoughts and causing me to get upset and even more offended. So I returned, and saw that Plumcake had received an outraged response to the post and then asked her readers what they thought. Again, more comments about how shameful and inferior women who didn’t follow fashion were. There was even a comment associating how a woman dresses to her house not being clean enough to accept guests. I mean really folks, have we regressed to the 1900s here? I know the role of women has changed, and the work isn’t done, but we have made a lot of progress and this just breaks my heart.

I admit I posted a comment, which was likely too emotional and not logically sound. I hate letting my emotions get away from me, yet I couldn’t leave it alone. I encourage you ladies to voice your opinion of the situation, either here or there. I do not want to encourage any flamewars or nastiness, so please don’t go there to do that, just honest, open communication about this subject.