Being Fat in College: Finding Proper Seating

I’ve been wanting to return to school for ages, and it is with a bit of shame I admit one of the major obstacles holding me back has been finding suitable seating. Since I am nearly 400lbs, the tiny seats most institutes provide, whether it be amphitheater type seating or individual desks, just don’t cut it. I do not fit. If I try, I find myself spilling over the sides, unable to take notes and with half my body in pain. It is not a pleasant experience, and even now I get a little misty-eyed thinking about it. When I flunked out of college the first time, a little part of me was happy that I wouldn’t have to subject myself to such conditions again. There would be no more flashbacks to high school and being called “fatswell”. There would be no more dropping of the pencil and being unable to retrieve it, without standing up and moving desks around and causing all kinds of distraction while the professor was talking. Most importantly, there would be no more pain and inability to concentrate on what is being taught simply because I could not focus, my mind was filled with self-hatred, disappointment, and anger. How can a fat person succeed when they can’t even find a seat?

It was several years after I flunked out that I found myself in the FA community, learning new things and hating myself less. It was one particular posts by Aunt Fattie at Shapely Prose that the idea dawned on me to even request adequate seating. It was a big deal. I’ve saved that post, reread it several times, talked about it with my husband, reread it several more times and began working up my courage. One day, I would go back to school, and I would ask for proper seating. To some, it may not have been life changing but it was to me. Again, with the misty-eyed (I tend to be quite the cry baby folks).

So this term I enrolled at Portland Community College, on the Sylvania Campus. I was wrought with fear and concern; would the professor laugh at me? Would the College tell me to get over it? Would I be put into the spotlight, where students could laugh at me behind my back or to my face? Would the administration promise one thing and then keep putting me off? Certainly I wouldn’t be the first to ask for proper seating. Certainly they would have to adhere to a reasonable request, because it is a reasonable request, but how much turmoil was I going to have to stir up? Would I even be strong enough to stand up to it or would I simply drop the class and try to finish my education online only? Needless to say I had built the situation up in my head. The first day of class I did a quick survey of the room, and without hesitation walked up to my professor, “I can’t fit into these chairs, do you have any suggestions?” Let me explain that my lack of hesitation was due less to the fact I had convinced myself things would be okay and this was the right thing to do, and everything to do with the fact that I didn’t think. Otherwise I would have given myself another anxiety attack before class and would have never made it in.

The response was positive. The professor looked confused at first, though I do not think it was because a fat person was daring to ask for accommodation (she’s just not like that), but quickly took in the situation and offered other solutions. Turns out, there was a table in the back of the room with chairs for disabled students. There were only two seats available but it would do. I was a little embarrassed for not seeing it at first, but thankful it was there. I took my seat, filled with pride, and awaited for the class to fill up. I saw several women of size come in, and each of them shoved themselves into these tiny desks, despite the fact a seat next to me was open. My pride was dwindling with every new fat girl who did this. They would look at me, at the empty seat, and still choose the desks.

I thought maybe it was just me, not wanting to be close to a stranger. Next class, I thought, they’ll see how warm and friendly I am and will feel more comfortable taking the bigger seat. Yet, the next class was very similar. No one sat next to me. There were plenty of fat girls in the surrounding areas, and over the four hours we were together in class many of them commented about being uncomfortable, about their legs falling asleep, about having to sit in these tiny vessels, and yet not one made a move. I’ve even offered to some of them, when they would whisper about their discomfort to me as though we are in some secret sorority, that they should try out the chairs and the table. It’s very comfortable, I feel so much better not having to fight with the desks. I exchanged complaints with them concerning the desks and remarked, “Yeah, that’s why I’m glad I got this seat. You should come sit with me.” They just smile shyly and shake their head. I’m amazed by this.

There are 20 women in my class, I would say half of them are fat. Yet I am the only one who will sit in the seat.