After Thanksgiving Wears Off

The holiday season at my house, as I suspect is the same for most all families, is filled with negative body talk. I think now that I am more aware of the misconceptions concerning being fat, it’s easier for me to not immediately resort to shame when someone talks about their body. It also makes me sad though, because I want to share my new insights with my family members (we’re female majority) but I know they are simply not ready to acknowledge anything besides what they think they already know. This isn’t just assumption on my part, I’ve actively tried to talk to them, share links and research and what not, but was shut down several times. In one conversation, to give an example, my Aunt responded to the statistics and information I provided concerning WLS surgery with “I think it’s supposed to teach people how to eat right”. That took me by surprised and as I explained that WLS actually deprives the body of nutrients and causes starvation, they looked at me and then went on to talk about how WLS is really great. (Does anyone else notice their need to justify why they have formed the conclusions they have about things, especially family and friends?)

My older cousin ran around insisting people feel her bicep and stomach muscles, exclaiming how much energy she’s had lately since she’s started ADD medicine. It’s been so wonderful, she states, because it makes her not want to eat so she’s lost 11 pounds. I think to myself, isn’t that what speed does too? Is she really ADD (she’s 27, and the story goes she told her doctor she needed it and he prescribed it without any tests) or simply using the legal capitalist way to take drugs in that eternal struggle to be thin? This same cousin states she will not be seen without high heels because she doesn’t want to be considered short. I wonder when being short became a faux pas. Then she lead a 30 minute discussion with our younger cousins, age ranging between 22 and 15, about what they can do to “get healthy” and lose weight.

The saddest part of this whole ordeal is my 15-year-old cousin. She made an entrance into the celebration all dressed up, wearing one of those fancy, puffy dresses they wear now and three inch heels. I know I struggled between telling her she looked beautiful, to make her feel secure in herself, and making comments on the horrors of high heels and feeling one has to dress up and wear “the right thing” in order to fit in and be accepted. She’s impressionable, and I want to help her learn to be comfortable in her own skin. Of course, I have no idea how to relate to a 15-year-old and struggle with my own self-esteem issues. Anyhow, the first words out of my grandmother’s mouth was “you look pregnant”. The alarm bells went off, because pregnant equals fat equals horror and death. The rest of the celebration my cousin made comments about how she eats, what she looks like, etc. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I’m not sure if she has unhealthy issues with her weight, to the point where it should be troubling, or if it’s just the level we’ve all come to regard as normal (which is terrifying in and of itself). Not only that, but I would really love to see her get to a point where she doesn’t have any issues at all. I’m not really sure what to do about the whole situation. I’m rather reserved as a whole, so it’s not like we’re close, and I’m just not sure if she would take anything I have to say seriously, especially when the rest of the world is talking over me. It’s hard enough as a teenager to go against one’s peers, but to go against the world seems impossible.

Overall, I am fairly proud of how I handled the comments about eating too much, or exercising, or being fat, or being lazy. I didn’t watch what I ate: if I wanted something, I partook. I didn’t call myself fat or say anything self-deprecating disguised as humor. When others were talking about weight and body image, I just kept quiet and mentally reminded myself of what I learned through Fat Acceptance. I think it also helped that my husband was there and I could always look over at him and know he was thinking the same thing about those comments and conversations. The next couple of days, I did struggle with feeling fat and thinking about dieting and just feeling wrong. I think I am perking up from that, and I am trying not to be too hard on myself for those feelings because after the onslaught it is only natural to expect some of those old emotions to rise up.

What is Thanksgiving?

When I was growing up, I was taught that Thanksgiving started with the Pilgrims and Indians. The Pilgrims had a horrible winter and would have starved to death were it not for the kindness of the Indians. As I aged I learned about the massacre of the Indians, who should be called Native Americans, and instead of the Pilgrims just being helpless colonist they were actually responsible for murder, mayhem, destruction and theft. I decided, at that time, that I wouldn’t be a supporter of Thanksgiving anymore. As I think back, it was likely just an excuse to get out of family gatherings. As ignorant and uncaring as it sounds, while the destruction of the Native American people is horrible, my juvenile self was much more self centered. It was always a holiday I shied away from because of my preconceived notions of negativity, but never bothered to really learn about, as so many “facts” circulated society. As I come into adulthood and have a family of my own, I feel it’s time to take another look at this American holiday, find out what its origins are, and really assess the validity of my earlier decision.

My first stop in learning was Wikipedia. While not always the most accurate, I find it to encompass a lot of information and I make sure to look at the citations before taking anything literally. My focus, also, is on the United States Thanksgiving Day. From my reading, it seems no one really knows when the first Thanksgiving was had, but that most everything that was taught concerning it is a lie.

The first recorded Thanksgiving was held by the Spaniards in 1565 in thanks of their arrival in a new world. The article specifically lists it as “Mass of Thanksgiving”, and given that Roman Catholicism is the major religion in Spain gives implication that this was a religious ceremony. The next recorded celebration was in 1619 when the Virginia colony gave thanks to God on the first day of their arrival per the group’s charter. Next, in 1621, the Pilgrims and Wampanoag surfaced with their Thanksgiving celebration. A major element with this, however, is that these people didn’t regard their celebration as “Thanksgiving”, as we do now, but as a celebration of the harvest which was traditional for both culture prior to this. While the Native Americans did teach the Pilgrims how to catch eel and grow corn, it was not the great feast and friendship that Charlie Brown would have people believe. Especially since a year later the Indian Massacre of 1622 took place. From this point, the idea of Thanksgiving was primarily based upon colony and culture:

The Pilgrims did not hold a true Thanksgiving until 1623, when it followed a drought, prayers for rain, and a subsequent rain shower. Irregular Thanksgivings continued after favorable events and days of fasting after unfavorable ones. In the Plymouth tradition, a thanksgiving day was a church observance, rather than a feast day.

Gradually, an annual Thanksgiving after the harvest developed in the mid-17th century. This did not occur on any set day or necessarily on the same day in different colonies in America.

The Massachusetts Bay Colony (consisting mainly of Puritan Christians) celebrated Thanksgiving for the first time in 1630, and frequently thereafter until about 1680, when it became an annual festival in that colony; and Connecticut as early as 1639 and annually after 1647, except in 1675. The Dutch in New Netherland appointed a day for giving thanks in 1644 and occasionally thereafter.

Charlestown, Massachusetts held the first recorded Thanksgiving observance June 29, 1671 by proclamation of the town’s governing council.

During the 18th century individual colonies commonly observed days of thanksgiving throughout each year. We might not recognize a traditional Thanksgiving Day from that period, as it was not a day marked by plentiful food and drink as is today’s custom, but rather a day set aside for prayer and fasting.

During the American Revolutionary War (1775-1783) in 1777, after victory at the Battles of Saratoga, the first National Thanksgiving Day was proclaimed by the Continental Congress to be on December 18th. The Continental Congress also proclaimed additional Thanksgiving Days every year or so throughout the war until 1784. These proclamations were heavily laced with Christian language and in support of the “just and necessary war” and very rarely done in November. No Thanksgiving proclamations were made again until 1789 when George Washington issued one as the first President of the United States. It wasn’t until 1863, under Abraham Lincoln, that Thanksgiving began to be celebrated annually on the last Thursday in November, without a government proclamation. It was Franklin D. Roosevelt that broke this tradition, and moved Thanksgiving to the fourth Thursday of November when the month had five, and the third when the month had four. Finally, in 1941 that the U.S. Congress passed a law dictating that Thanksgiving be celebrated annually on the fourth Thursday in November. Thus the holiday has evolved into what it is today.

The history of Thanksgiving in 700 words, ladies and gentlemen. If you’re still with me, congrats and thanks. What this all seems to boil down to, for me at least, is that Thanksgiving’s roots are in religious (namely Christian) celebration, praise of victory in wartimes, or when neither of the two were available, just a good ole slap on the back for America and praise for “the Almighty”. Even when the celebration was had for wartime, the proclamations were decidedly Christian in nature. So while families may not play up the religious side of the holiday, it definitely stems from religion. However, does that make it a religious holiday? As someone considering converting to Judaism, should I be partaking of this holiday because it is part of the history of my country despite the Christian connotations? Should I ignored the history of the holiday and instead focus on the ideal of thanking God, or my family, or myself for all that has been accomplished and received? Should I just be thankful and celebrate without worrying myself so much about what Thanksgiving really means? Is Thanksgiving just another consumerist holiday like St. Valentine’s?

Knowing what you now do about Thanksgiving, what are your thoughts?

The Atheletic Body

The use of the word “athletic” in relation to body type is quite popular. When this word is used to describe a body the term usually implies the physique that is trim, muscular and tall. Usually the athletic frame is associated with runners or swimmers. However, the word is grossly misused. Now, if we look at the definition of the word athletic we find:

athletic |aθˈletik|
adjective
1 [ attrib. ] of or relating to athletes or athletics : athletic events | an athletic club.
2 physically strong, fit, and active : big, muscular, athletic boys.

Since the first definition points to athletes, I think the definition of that is important as well.

athlete |ˈaθˌlēt|
noun
a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise.
• chiefly Brit. a person who is skilled in competitive track and field events (athletics).

It would read that to be considered athletic one should be “physically strong, fit, and active” and be “proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise”. So it would reason that folks who do well in sports, any sport not just a chosen few, should be considered to have an athletic frame. Taking a gander at Wikipedia’s List of Sports there are categories which surpass this body stereotype. In fact, there are more sports which either do not require a specific body type, or require one that is different from the general idea of “athletic”, than there are ones which adhere to the standard. For instance, female gymnasts need to be very thin, short in stature, have very little in the way of curves, and be extremely muscular. However, shot put athletes need to throw a shot weighting 8.8 pounds (for women) or 16 pounds (for men) as far as possible, thus are usually extremely muscular all over. A similar body type as a body builder, though less girth.

It is both fascinating and disheartening, to me, that the world’s obsession (and by “the world” I mean mainly United States/Canada/UK) with the shape of the human body has become so diluted and misaligned that masses of people who are athletic are refused the title simple because of our connotations with fat and health. Truth be told, being muscular is still classified as being overweight. Let’s think about this. Take a 6′ tall male body builder. His weight is centered around 350 to 400 pounds. If this man was to list his height and weight only, people would immediately jump on the OMG YOU’RE UNHEALTHY AND UGLY AND HORRIBLE!!!!111!!elevenityfuckingone!!!1111 bandwagon. Now, if we add the element of him, then, detailing his body building, he would likely be cut some slack and flaunted over. However, this athlete would not be granted the description he deserves, athletic. After all, he is proficient in his sport, strong, and active.

Our society is so dreadful of the dreaded fat that we would rather strip pride from people than give acceptance and love. People are pressed into boxes with such vigor that anyone that doesn’t fit is outcast. This type of thing is why I’m not surprised when athletes use steroids and drugs to alter their performance. They’re already being stripped of the thing they have devoted their life to. They’re already being forced to fit into this standard. It’s an impossible quest, it’s shaming, and it’s built into our everyday language. It goes beyond just fat or obese, or anorexic skinny. It’s about nearly every person in the entire world, aside from a very select few, being told every single day they are not good enough, they will never be good enough, and they will never be accepted.

In The Election Aftermath

I’ve refrained from posting about politics. Mostly because everyone else is talking about it so much, I was sick of it, and thus I’m sure a lot of others are sick too. I did vote and it was for Obama. I wanted to vote for a third-party candidate, because I wanted to speak out about the two party system our country seemed to be focused on, but this was such a pivotal election. I was terrified McCain would win, and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t vote for a party that had a chance of being elected. So there you go. I did experience a couple things on Facebook which I wanted to share with you all.

To protect people’s privacy, I’m going to call my friend Gandalf, who has two other friends: Shelob and Sauron.

Gandalf just donated his status to get out the vote for Barack Obama on Nov 4. Donate your status: http://causes.com/election/26350696?m=773350e e.via Causes – 8:55pm

Shelob at 9:05pm November 2
Unless you want to vote for LIFE, then pick someone else.

Gandalf at 9:17pm November 2
I don’t know that the whole pro-life/pro-choice debate is even worth having. Regardless of whether or not Obama or McCain is elected, neither one has the direct power to reverse Roe vs. Wade, so I’m not sure it particularly matters where they stand on the issue either way. Regardless, the whole abortion debate… it’s a fundamental belief a person has, and no matter how many convincing arguments you cite to support one side, the other side has equally convincing arguments to support theirs. The only difference is people on either side have chosen to weight one set of arguments more important to themselves than the other. No debate will change that.

Instead of the polarizing “YOU WANT TO KILL BABIES” vs “YOU HATE WOMEN AND ARE DENYING THEM THEIR RIGHT TO CHOOSE” argument, can we not agree instead to debate something more constructive, like how to lower the number of unwanted/teenage pregnancies?

ME at 4:01am November 3
I love you Gandalf and I think you make a good point. However, since you don’t have someone else dictating what you can and can’t do with your body, I think you can easily take that position. The problem, for me, is not that simply Roe vs. Wade but the fact women don’t have autonomy. Do you realize how difficult it is for a woman to be able to say she doesn’t want children? Not only are there romantic problems, especially with heterosexual, and societal ones (society seems to have adverse reactions to adoption. For some reason, a child sharing DNA w/ a parent makes them more accepted than one who doesn’t, and a wife isn’t fulfilling her duties if she doesn’t produce heirs, and apparently the whole purpose of life is to produce children), but doctors won’t even allow a woman to decide if she can be sterile. A man can get a vasectomy whenever he want without anyone’s permission, including his wife. However, a woman can’t get her tubes tied, or other forms of sterilization, without a long fight. If she is married, then she has to get her husband’s permission and prove this to doctor. If she is under 25 then she has to get several doctors to okay it. If she is over 25 then she still has to prove herself. Even if she’s in her 40s and childfree, doctors are reluctant. If a woman chooses to abstain from sex so she doesn’t get pregnant then she is considered a prude, or frigid, or a slew of other things. You know how difficult it is to live in our culture without sex. Anyway, it’s about more than just abortion.

Shelob at 9:54am November 3
You bring up some excellent points. Please understand I am answering you both in a soft voice with my blood pressure not accelerated in the least. Life is a rugged journey, no doubt. I am facing some really serious health issues myself, however, I believe you both have a choice. You make your choices depending upon your experiences and your beliefs. Your parents, teachers, and friends have helped you to formulate your opinions and over the course of time you will change your opinion as your experiences and beliefs change. Many of my friends can not have children. They want to adopt. There are no babies in this country to adopt so they are forced to go outside the United States to find a child. Aborted babies have no choice. The biggest killing in the world is not war, it’s abortion.

ME at 4:05am November 4
As I explained earlier not everyone has choices. Of course, it is your friend’s choice to insist on adopting a baby, thus needing to go out of the country, instead of adopting one of the millions of older children that need homes and love.

I think I pretty much summed up how I felt about this situation. It just amazes me every time a woman spouts this kind of crap. I feel so naive because I still don’t grasp the fact that some people always feel they need to tell others how to live. I am also amazed by the fact that even when presented with information about things people are still like “Really? Well, you’re still a murderer! You have a choice! You make baby jesus cry!” Seriously? The reason people shouldn’t be allowed to have abortions is because your friends can’t adopt an American baby and have to go overseas? Are you kidding me? Would this woman also be one to complain that mothers on welfare keep having babies and then the government has to keep paying for them? Or that a woman is frigid, or mistreating her husband because she doesn’t want to have sex in order to keep from getting pregnant? Or perhaps she would be the one to vote to ban birth control all together, so women are then forced to propagate. It just all makes me so frustrated and angry and GRRR.

The next quote is really long, so I’m putting it behind a link. The naming scheme is the same as above, except there are some other folks commenting as well. I posted the whole thing so people could follow, but I’m mostly focusing on the words of Sauron.

Natural Skincare

I went out the other day to visit a local business. It was once a place where folks could buy organic produce (before the fad hit) and other natural items. However, it’s been revamped and turned into a natural skincare/cosmetics store. They sell a number of vitamin supplements and other green dietary things. I am in the market for lip balm, lotion and perhaps some vegetarian Omega-3 DHA/EPA supplements. I thought this place would be perfect because it would be supporting a local business owner, as well as allow me to talk to a real live person concerning the natural products and their ingredients. Unfortunately, I was not impressed and left without purchasing anything. The shop came off as being more interested in making profit off the natural care industry than being genuinely interested in natural products. The saleswoman told me several times that the cosmetics adhered to the European standards and were “high-end”. When I inquired as to why the products were better, she again said they were high-end. She told me that petroleum cosmetics were bad for the skin because they couldn’t penetrate, and so I inquired about the wax (bees and such) which were in the lip balms and if that was similar to the petroleum. The lady honestly seemed stumped by this question.

She then went around the store checking the ingredients in assorted products while repeating that they were high-end and agreeing there was wax in them. Oookay, so I’m thoroughly confused. I should point out that these lip balms were $8 a pop, and yet she could not give me any real information on why they were better. I also saw a bottle on the shelf which was labeled as a hair care product, 100% jojoba oil. I was confused by this. Jojoba oil, as I know it, isn’t just used to treat hair but also as an excellent skin moisturizer, among other things. Yet they were selling this $20 bottle of 8oz Jojoba oil (I didn’t see anything about certified organic either) and proclaiming it this wonderful hair tonic. Seriously, slapping a fancy label on something does not make it worth $20. This lady also spent 10 minutes looking for a vegetarian Omega-3 supplement, swearing they had one before pointing out the “high-end” one they can’t keep on the shelves. Why is it high-end? I ask, and was directed to the brand name and how quickly it sells. Cue the eye rolling.

So I went online to my favorite LiveJournal natural community to see if they had any suggestions. I found several rave reviews about a place called My Lip Stuff. It’s made by one woman called Brea, and is 100% natural. There are even several Vegan options. It’s not just lip balm, but lotions and body scrubs and body sprays. I decided to buy a Vegan lip balm for myself, a no-nonsense balm for my husband (labeled as men’s, which basically means there is no scent or taste; I didn’t like the gender label but not everyone is perfect), and a body butter stick. All three cost me $14.75, which included shipping. I was impressed that I placed the order on November 4th at 3:30pm EST and it was shipped by November 6th. Most orders are shipper Priority Mail, but since I got samples (same size as normal, just shipped first class instead) it’ll take a couple days longer.

I’m looking forward to this. I opted for non-scented body butter since I’ve never used a body butter and wanted to try it raw, and a Sweet as Sugar lip balm. Apparently it’s flavored with vanilla and Stevia. I’ll post my thoughts once it gets here and I try it out. Yay for natural products from small businesses!

Alternet Articles on Feminist Issues

I thought this was a really informative and well written article on Alternet about misogyny in the military. I think this is a topic that is completely under-publicized and needs to be brought into the light.

There is also an article on feminism and sex workers that is very well done.

The feminist movement has several issues it focuses on as a whole which revolve around equality in at work and home, and autonomy. Yet severe issues like being able to serve one’s country with honor and living one’s life by making money from sex is glossed over and swept under the rug. I think it’s time these issues were exposed and remedied.

Glade’s Opinion of Women

The first Glade recent Glade commercial I’ve seen is where the leading lady lights a candle in her fancy little black dress and answers the door to find her friends waiting there. Of course they oooh and aaah over the fragrance, and instead of this woman confiding in her friends that she could buy this great product which doesn’t cost a lot, she decides to tell a bold faced lie. Yes, instead of sharing frugal tips with her friends she decides to act like she got a flippin’ candle from France, because being a bougy upper middle class person and flaunting one’s privilege always earns respect and envy. Of course, her friends all laugh and point out the lady has a Glade sticker on her bum. It’s just so funny when friends lie about things that don’t even matter! I thought this commercial would be one of a kind and Glade would realize how big of an idiot they’re being.

Instead there has been two more wonderfully intelligent commercials released. One playing to the holistic culture where this pompous woman invites her friends over for Yoga and tries to brag on the scent which makes her connect with her inner self. Of course, more giggling from the friends when they realize it’s a Glade plug-in. I haven’t quite decided if these friends are laughing because their hostess is so friggin’ stupid or if it’s a message from Glade that all women are airheads whom think lying and being pretentious is cute. I wish I could find links to these commercials y’all, but I’m sure you’ve seen them.

The one I dislike the most, which I am hard pressed to say, let me tell you, is where our lady is in the bath tub and is rung up by her friend. Then, of course, is the need to lie to said friend about being in a spa. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Seriously, Glade, what the hell possessed you to approve and produce such a bunch of bloody rubbish? I have to swear at you in British I’m so flippin’ angry and irritated by this. It’s just absurd. I swear I will never buy another Glade product, or any product produced by the mother company, for this atrocity. And you bet your sweet patootie that I’m going to be writing a strongly worded letter to Glade. I won’t be holding my breathe for a reply, but at least I’m speaking out.

I just don’t understand why they feel the need to portray women as lying, deceiving, privileged assholes. Nor do I understand how they expect to sell products, which are targeted towards women, this way. I would seriously like to meet the woman who watches these commercials and goes “AMAZING! I want to be just like this woman! Let me rush out to the store and buy Glade products so I can pretend to be something I’m not and try to make everyone else see me as better than them! That’s a marvelous idea!”

Is this the world we live in? Where people feel the need to pretend to be privileged and wealthy instead of just being who they are? Do we still feel the desire to assert superiority over others and maintain dominance? It’s just so sad.