The Fat Monologue by Ampersand

Ampersand over at Alas, a Blog was kind enough to showcase his Fat Monologue art piece. So often the fatosphere is populated by females, it’s nice that folks like Ampersand and Paul (Big Fat Blog) make sure their voice is heard. It always concerns me that our male counterparts are often left aside and that many feel they don’t have a solid place within the community.

I actually have a blog post bubbling concerning men and their stereotypes and all the crap they’re given. I just haven’t been able to let the words flow.

The Significances of Hair

I have had long hair all my life. Usually it is shoulder-length, but has never been shorter than the chin, at least not until 2005. That is when I decided to shave my head. I did this for a lot of reasons. My Great Aunt was dying of cancer, and had lost all of her hair because of Chemotherapy. I’m not very good at socialization, but I wanted to connect with her in a way that let her know everything I was feeling and maybe let her know that even though I didn’t come around as much as everyone else, or sit by her bedside to hold her hand the last week before she died, that I loved her and she was a profound part of my life. It was also during a time when I wanted to question gender roles and female stereotypes. My husband and I challenge gender roles in nearly ever aspect of our relationship, and yet I find myself constantly questioning my femininity because I don’t cook or clean or do other “womanly work”, nor do I typically look like a woman “should”. I have never been a fan of make-up or nail polish, I don’t care about fashion or cute shoes or trendy purses; I couldn’t care less about starting a family or getting my hair done. I had felt like my second X chromosome was asleep. A hair cut, at first glance, doesn’t seem like much of a statement, but it was monumental. Not only I was challenging people’s interpretations of what a woman with a shaved head is (a butch lesbian? a transgender? a freak? a goth?), but also my own.

Hair has always been a major talking point through history. In the 18th century women either had long curly hair, where they wore a hat, or extreme wigs or hair which were piled high upon the head. In the 19th century, women who were out in society wore their long hair up as was proper, though country women (seen as less refined) wore it down, the length was still in question. In the 1960s, women had long, free flowing hair in rebellion of the culturally acceptable style. As far as I can tell, the only time women were ever encouraged to have short hair was during the 1920s – 1940s when flappers and Big Band Music was in style, although any shorter than chin/mid-cheek sparked questions and concerns. As a reality TV watcher, shows like American’s Next Top Model, and Paris Hilton’s BFF show girls breaking down into hysterics if anyone dares suggest they cut their hair short, dye it a new color, or do anything outside of the girl’s comfort zone. Many times I’ve heard the young women proclaim, “I don’t want it to change who I am!” What an absurd idea really.

As far as the feminist movement has come, there is so many little things which seem to be overlooked. Rosie the Riveter, an icon for the women during WWII who had to go to work, is shown with her beautiful clear skin and perfectly done up hair despite the hard days spent in the factories, and Wo! Magazine’s call to femininity with a thin, naked woman who has flowing hair and holding up the world. It seems the farther we fight society for our freedom, the more we lock ourselves into certain boxes.

Shaving my head provided the confidence for me to try several other variations including shaving my eyebrows and rocking a Mohawk. That’s not to say that this transition was easy and went along smoothly. My husband wasn’t 100% on board at the beginning, and we struggled and discussed and debated. While I was outwardly convincing him, I was internally trying to find my own strength and acceptance. I had to know that no matter how much I didn’t look like what society deemed a woman, that I still was. It seemed like as soon as I was comfortable with the idea, my husband followed suit (or perhaps he realized it was something I was going to do either way, so he better hop on board or risk the consequences). Now, my current hairstyle has settled somewhere in the middle and my days of asking “Is this womanly enough?” have dwindled.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate

Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) is catching heat within the natural living communities and many folks have sworn off using products containing it, but is it really something to be cautious of?

SLS is a naturally derived (from coconut and/or palm kernel oil) foaming agent which is used in car wash soaps, engine degreasers, and floor cleaners. It can also be found in many cosmetic items such as shampoo, soap, and toothpaste and in household cleaners like laundry detergent. It is popular with many manufacturers because of the cheaper production cost and effective cleaning process. Per The Children’s Health Environmental Coalition, The Cosmetic, Toiletry, and Fragrance Association discourages use of sodium lauryl sulfate in products intended for prolonged use, unless in low concentrations. There are studies (according to this website which states Linda Chae as a reference for these facts) that suggest SLS penetrates the eyes and tissue (like organ tissue), and causes retention which can affect a person’s (especially infants and children) growth and vision. The website also states that SLS creates nitrates which enter the blood and cause problems such as hair loss, skin rashes, dandruff, etc., and causes the production of nitrosamines. It is also reported that the use of SLS in toothpaste can cause canker sores, though the connection to mouth ulcers is so far unfounded. The inhalation of SLS can lead to extreme choking, and thus is a hazard.

Tom’s of Maine, a popular natural care manufacturer, is very adamant that SLS is completely safe and rebukes the assessment that SLS can cause canker sores or is linked to cancer, liver disease and other medical problems. These statements are also reinforced by Snopes.com whom relays that “…three different agencies — the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), the National Toxicology Program (NTP), and the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) have all rated SLS as being non-carcinogenic.” The Cosmetics Database lists the toxic level of SLS as 2 (low hazard), but also states the compound to be linked to cancer and other medical problems.

So it seems that there is no definitive answer concerning SLS. While the government offices and other reputable sources say SLS is harmless, there are studies and voices which state otherwise. Of course, that is just what the studies now show and we all know that sometimes chemicals and drugs deemed perfectly fine one year can come back in later years and be attributed to all sorts of nasty things or vice versa. I’m by no means suggesting people should be afraid, but I do believe in keeping informed and knowing the risks.

There is also a component called sodium laureth sulfate, or sodium lauryl ether sulfate (SLES) that is considered the weaker cousin of SLS. It seems many people confuse the two, which may be able to explain why there is such a lack of solid evidence on whether SLS is harmful. The two compounds are similar, but different enough. A concern with SLES is that is can be contaminated with 1,4-dioxane which is considered to be a probable carcinogen by U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (and leads me to wonder why the Cosmetic Database rates SLES as a 3 or 4 on the hazard scale, while SLS is only a 2).

It is the advice of this blogger to stay away from both chemicals, and their counterparts (the websites linked to in this article give lots of alternative names for SLS and SLES as well as products which use them). When it comes to chemicals with this much uncertainty I would rather play it safe than sorry.

Natural Disinfectants for the Home

I have been trying to create a more natural life, one that harms the environment less and yet still provides me with everything I need. One of the first steps I took was to start recycling. Since I’ve spent most of my life in a town of less than 3,000 people, recycling has never been the forethought in people’s minds. Moving to a bigger city allowed me to embrace recycling and the enjoyment I received from it was beyond description. Every week when I took the recycling out, I just stood there and acknowledged the sheer amount of items I was saving from being shipped off to the landfill. It amazed me how much trash a two person household could create. Unfortunate events lead me back to living in a small town recently, so I haven’t been able to recycle the way I want, but it has inspired me to apply this concept to other parts of my life.

Another benefit of moving to more natural endeavors is that I can save my family a lot of money. One of the largest unnecessary expenses, as I see it, are cleaning supplies. I must have bought 20 different cleaning products for my home, most of which I rarely used (being a homemaker has never been my strong suit) and the expense was nuts. At at least $3 a pop, that’s $60 in cleaning supplies that needs to be bought at least once a year. That doesn’t include things like laundry detergent, dish soap, dishwashing liquid, and hygiene products. Of course, with cleaning products a concern is always whether natural products can clean as well as the commercial ones. Vinegar, which is natural and really inexpensive, is reported to kill 99 percent of bacteria, 82 percent of mold, and 80 percent of germs (viruses). This is the same vinegar that can be purchased in any grocery store and is easily accessible to most anyone. So it doesn’t take a lot of money or privilege to keep a house sanitary.

Vinegar isn’t perfect, as reported by CNN this natural disinfectant didn’t do as well as commercial products like Lysol, Mr. Clean and Clorox. To some people this may not dissuade you because you know that our Society’s obsession with killing germs will eventually lead all of us to living in plastic bubbles because our immune systems will be unable to handle contact with the outside. For others you may be concerned for your kids and personal health, especially if you already have a disease which compromises your immune system. Well, you don’t have to go back to commercial cleaners. In addition to Vinegar, Hydrogen Peroxide makes an excellent natural disinfectant. Hydrogen Peroxide is just an oxygenated bleach^*, similar to the Oxiclean product that is being sold nationwide. Used in conjunction with Vinegar, Hydrogen Peroxide can help bridge the gap between natural and commercial cleaners. Just remember not to mix these two together into one solution, as it creates Peracetic Acid which is toxic; apply them both separately to the needed area. Peracetic Acid is toxic through inhalation, absorption through the skin and ingestion.

The vinegar most often used for this sterilization process is plain white, but there have been reports of success using apple cider vinegar as well. The hydrogen peroxide is the same 3% solution found in most stores. For those who dislike the smell of vinegar, or have loved ones who do, a dash of lemon juice, or essential oil, can nip that in the bud.

Another great disinfectant that is natural is Tea Tree Oil. The disinfectant was first researched in the early 20th century. Tea Tree Oil is also used as an essential oil, though some find the aroma too potent (like my dear husband), and Tea Tree Oil, like most essential oils, can be lethal to cats. Tea Tree Oil can be applied directly, or diluted in water. It can also be mixed with soap or lotion for beauty regiments.

I don’t know anything about commercial natural cleaners, but I figure why pay for the label when I can get the same results for much less

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^* In every-day culture, the word “bleach” is almost exclusively defined as the sodium hypochlorite, A.K.A. chlorine bleach, but that’s not technically correct

A Look Into the Past (The Fat Kid)

Going through some of my childhood things, my grandmother ran across a school project I did in 1992. That would make me around nine years old. Some people may find things like this a treasure or comfort. It still breaks my heart to this very day. There are several things contained within this project, labeled “My Biography”, but I’ll stick with the ones that focus on body image and childhood neglect.

Within the first three pages of this project is a little questionnaire where we had to write about our favorite things and answer questions like “One of the best things about me” and “What is your favorite food”. The last question says “Twenty years from now I hope I” and I filled in “look like a model”. Another statement given was “If I could change one thing about myself, I would change” and I remarked with “my looks”. Another page poses the question “I wish my family would” and my nine-year-old response? Exercise more than we do. The next page reveals a cartoon person which, I assume, we kids were asked to fill in information about ourselves. Our likes, our looks, our goals, whatever came to mind. One of those things is “to lose weight” and another is “I act cool and dumb sometimes”, though the dumb sometimes it poorly erased.

It would seem with all I’ve learned concerning fat acceptance, and how the world feels they need to shame fat folks into being thin, and how everyone is filled with the notion that they should fit into some ideal beauty standard, seeing this type of thing in my past shouldn’t surprise me. Yet it does. I have cut out segments of my past, so the memories of these types of feelings aren’t vivid, but I can imagine. I picture my poor pudgy self feeling so isolated and alone, wishing only that someone would accept her, love her and find her beautiful. That poor little girl who tortures herself every time she eats, every time she meets someone new, every time she is called a name or messes up. A nine-year-old little girl with such low self-esteem and horrible body image that she is screaming out for someone to notice. No one did though. No one read this biography and told her she was beautiful, or smart, or wonderful. No one held her in their arms and promised everything would be okay.

This type of thing breaks my heart, and it angers me. I didn’t realize the “obesity plague” was so strong back then, though obviously it was, if not so well publicized. I can remember all my life my mother putting us all on one diet or another, discussing carb intake (I think she was ahead of time with that) and calories and how we should eat better. Of course, this was the same mother who taught me that “from scratch” meant from a box and fed me fast food at least four times a week. She always had a comment for fat people, and while never directly at me, it affected me. My father was much the same, while he didn’t worry about diets his constant objectification of a woman’s body (look at the tits on that one! I love a big ole butt! Your mother was built like a brick shithouse, that’s why I met her) told me loud and clear what I was worth.

Whenever some person or media outlet or doctor talks about shaming fat people into being thin, it makes me think back to this little girl. It makes me remember the deep sorrow and how those type of scars, while never seen, are even less likely to heal no matter how much time they’re given. I want to show the world this little girl, and every little girl like her, and ask them to sit down face-to-face with her and say they honestly believe that shame is needed. I want them to explain why she deserves to be mistreated, abused and beaten. I want to hear them justify the need to starve both her body and spirit. And then, then I want to puke in their mouths. I want to blacken their eyes and rip out their stone heart, in order to beat them over the head with it.

Yet I still can’t help but ask myself why. Why did these people not hear her shouts for help? Why did they not take notice of this girl, in her nine-year-old way, tell them she was miserable and hated herself. Why they didn’t read her essay about her family, specifically the way she described her mother (“She is 32 years old. She acts like she’s 50 years old. I told her that it’s not that bad.”), and think to themselves “My, there must be some problem here, perhaps we should extend a kind hand”. Of course, that would mean telling the fat, unruly kid that it’s not her fault she is the way she is. That would mean admitting to the fact that fat is not the worst thing in the world and she doesn’t have to completely change who she is to be someone worth something. That would mean telling a mother that starving their child one minute, and then letting them eat a super-sized Big Mac Meal and large Oreo Blizzard is probably not healthy for that child’s growth. That would mean accepting themselves for who they are, so that they could accept a nine-year-old child who reminds them of themselves.

Cheers for Candis Cayne and Transgenders

I watch Chelsea Lately. I know, activists everywhere groan with that admission. Chelsea, like Margaret Cho, are often times filled with “isms”. They’ve been made famous for shocking people, saying unladylike things, and being rude. I think that’s what appeals to me, because they break the mold of what a “woman” should be, and have made their way in the world without the need of a man. In a way that is feminism, but in another… well yeah. So, the other night I was watching and Chelsea and she had Candis Cayne as a guest. Candis is a very beautiful transgender woman. Chelsea doesn’t normally have many mainstream guests, so I was pleasantly surprised when they talked about Candis’ appearance on the ABC primetime drama Dirty Sexy Money. Not only does Miss Cayne appear on ABC as an actress, but as a transgender in a torrid affair with Billy Baldwin’s character.

I was impressed with ABC, because historically these types of roles were not played by actual transgenders. In fact, transgender characters as a whole were unheard of. So for a national television network to embrace such a character, and an actress, shows that society is definitely making a step forward. This is not to say there is no prejudices left, or that everything is hunky dory. I don’t have blinders on, but when someone does something good they deserve a cookie.

So congratulations to ABC, for doing the right thing, and for Candis Cayne for breaking the mold both on television, in beauty pageants, and in life.

Oregon University Studies the Effects of Milkshakes on Obesity

And because this is such riveting news the Oregonian felt the need to post the same article, with different titles, in the news and living section of the website.

Few foods stir brain cells like the chocolate milkshake.

“It’s the cocaine of food,” says Eric Stice, a senior scientist at Oregon Research Institute in Eugene. “It’s really good at firing up reward circuitry.”

Does this mean it’s genetically impossible to not like chocolate milkshakes? I mean, seriously. How can a legitimate scientist even make a connection between an addictive drug and a /food/. As if the title of these “articles” weren’t off-putting enough, the first two lines of the article throw the creditability of the study out the window.

Here’s where chocolate milkshakes enter the picture. Stice and colleagues at the University of Oregon and two other centers wanted to compare how the brain’s reward center responds to pleasing foods in obese and lean individuals. They needed something delicious that people could eat with a minimum of jaw movement to avoid blurring the brain scans. Volunteers, ranging in age from 14 to 22, were all female because the researchers recruited them from an ongoing study on eating disorders.

The group of volunteers in this study seem to be the worst choices. The participants are already dealing with eating disorders. So likely they are consumed with the shamed and hatred that comes with this disease. These women belittle themselves for every sip of milkshake which tastes good, they are plagued with thoughts of how many calories they are intaking and how horrible of a person they are if they enjoy anything food related. These women do not have positive body image, couldn’t that play into the response their brains are giving off? Do these women have any other diseases which may alter their brain chemistry like depression, anxiety, or faltering taste buds? What effect does puberty have on these women’s body chemistry and brain processes? Again, the study comes across as so flawed right out of the gate. No consideration was giving to these outside forces. It’s a simply fat=bad standpoint, with no real science taking place.

The taste of a milkshake stirred activity in the brains of overweight volunteers, but far less than in the brains of lean volunteers. Reward center activity was even more blunted in overweight volunteers who tested positive for a particular gene variation, called TaqIA A1, which seems to reduce brain dopamine receptors.

Researchers tracked weight for one year in some volunteers. Those with low brain activation in response to the milkshake who also had the gene variant were significantly more likely to pack on pounds.

I think it’s just precious how the /one/ gene related to /possible/ obesity is thrown in to give this study just a molecule of legitimacy. They’re not reaching, no, honestly, they’re not. And the gene which is possibly related to obesity coupled with the low response to milkshakes is the perfect evaluational explanation of why people are fat. Just like the formula for weight loss is watching calories, or wait, maybe it’s carbs, oh no, wait, carbs are okay, it’s calories. Really, calories are the culprit. And you need to exercise at least 30 minutes a day, wait no, three to four times a week, oh wait, no, in order to maintain thinness one needs to exercise three to four hours a day. Yes, that’s the ticket. And for those people who have no restraint WLS is the answer, we’ll just cut off a piece of your stomach. Oh, that causes complications, well, how about if we just bind it to let as little food into their system as possible? That’s the ticket, starve these people. That’ll keep them from being fat. Serves them right for not having any self-control to begin with.

He says research shows that the brains of obese people differ in other significant ways. In experiments requiring subjects to complete tasks to earn food rewards, obese people tend to work much harder than lean people, evidence of greater cravings. Brain imaging studies show that obese people experience greater expectation of reward than lean individuals. But Stice is convinced they don’t receive the emotional rewards experienced by people of normal weight.

“The big implication,” he says, “is if you can get people to improve diet quality, you may be able to prevent this reward system from unraveling.”

I hate to repeat myself, but I am just so flabbergasted that scientists can’t seem to ask these questions themselves when performing such experiments. Are these test subjects completely equal and healthy in order to have a fair comparison? No, as has been answered, these volunteers suffer from eating disorders. Are we surprised that the thin people, who have the unhealthy compulsion to starve themselves or binge after eating, work less rigorously to receive a food reward? No, we are not. They have spent considerable time training themselves to hate themselves, their desire to eat, and food as a whole. Us fatties are a whole different ballgame, neither one “better” or “worse”, and so of course the reaction to “food rewards” is going to be different. Speaking from my own perspective, I thrive to get any kind of rewards. That’s one thing that can happen when a person suffers severe neglect and abuse as a child. That doesn’t mean my eating is compulsive or uncontrollable. Another consideration is a person’s need for acceptance, which can be due to low self-esteem or self-worth, and is not exclusive to overweight or “lean”.

Another aspect of this study that bothers me is the idea that fat people only consume unhealthy foods. I know several fatties who eat well and don’t touch refined sugar, chemicals, HFCS, and other “unhealthy” foods. Yet, they are still fat. I also know incredibly thin people who gorge themselves on processed foods. They never exercise and hate anything deemed “healthy”, yet they are still thin. I wonder when scientists are going to catch onto this fact. To be some of the most educated people in our society, they sure do have a penance for publishing the most idiotic and poorly thought out studies I’ve ever seen. This study is akin to a study showing how smoking kills based on research of 70-80 year old men with cancer.

List of Companies Who Test on Animals

I decided to post of a list of companies which have products that are tested on animals. Some of these companies may manufacture individual products which aren’t tested on animals, but as a whole, the company does prescribe to this kind of activity. While this list may contain companies which manufacture products (drugs) that are required to be tested on animals by law, this was not the reason for their inclusion.

The products listed in parenthesis are examples manufactured by the listed company or its parent company. Remember to check out the company’s website, or contact them directly, to get a complete list of products they manufacture.

Arm & Hammer (Church & Dwight), P.O. Box 1625, Horsham, PA 19044-6625;
609-683-5900; 800-524-1328; www.armhammer.com

Bic Corporation, 500 Bic Dr., Milford, CT 06460; 203-783-2000;
www.bicworld.com

Chesebrough-Ponds (Faberge, Ponds, Vaseline), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood
Cliffs, NJ 07632; 800-743-8640; www.pondssquad.com

Church & Dwight (Aim, Arm & Hammer, Arrid, Brillo, Close-up, Lady’s
Choice, Mentadent, Nair, Orange Glo International, Pearl Drops), P.O. Box 1625,
Horsham, PA 19044-6625; 609-683-5900; 800-524-1328; www.churchdwight.com

Clairol (Aussie, Daily Defense, Herbal Essences, Infusium 23, Procter & Gamble),
1 Blachley Rd., Stamford, CT 06922; 800-252-4765; www.clairol.com

Clorox (ArmorAll, Formula 409, Fresh Step, Glad, Liquid Plumber, Pine-Sol, Soft
Scrub, S.O.S., Tilex), 1221 Broadway, Oakland, CA 94612; 510-271-7000;
800-227-1860; www.clorox.com

Colgate-Palmolive Co. (Hills Pet Nutrition, Mennen, Palmolive, SoftSoap, Speed
Stick), 300 Park Ave., New York, NY 10022; 212-310-2000; 800-221-4607;
www.colgate.com

Cover Girl (Procter & Gamble), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH
45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.covergirl.com

Dial Corporation (Dry Idea, Purex, Renuzit, Right Guard, Soft & Dri), 15101 N.
Scottsdale Rd., Ste. 5028, Scottsdale, AZ 85254-2199; 800-528-0849;
www.dialcorp.com

Johnson & Johnson (Aveeno, Clean & Clear, Listerine, Lubriderm, Neutrogena,
Rembrandt, ROC), 1 Johnson & Johnson Plz., New Brunswick, NJ 08933; 732-
524-0400; 800-526-3967; www.jnj.com

Lever Bros. (Unilever), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632; 212-888-
1260; 800-598-1223; www.unilever.com

L’Oreal U.S.A. (Biotherm, Cacharel, Garnier, Giorgio Armani, Helena
Rubinstein, Lancome, Matrix Essentials, Maybelline, Ralph Lauren
Fragrances, Redken, Soft Sheen, Vichy), 575 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10017;
212-818-1500; www.loreal.com

Max Factor (Procter & Gamble), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH
45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.maxfactor.com

Mead, 10 W. Second St., #1, Dayton, OH 45402; 937-495-6323;
www.meadweb.com

Melaleuca, 3910 S. Yellowstone Hwy., Idaho Falls, ID 83402-6003; 208-522-
0700; www.melaleuca.com

Mennen Co. (Colgate-Palmolive), 191 E. Hanover Ave., Morristown, NJ 07960-
3151; 973-631-9000; www.colgate.com

New Dana Perfumes, 470 Oakhill Rd., Crestwood Industrial Park, Mountaintop,
PA 18707; 800-822-8547

Noxell (Procter & Gamble), 11050 York Rd., Hunt Valley, MD 21030-2098;
410-785-7300; 800-572-3232; www.pg.com

Olay Co./Oil of Olay (Procter & Gamble), P.O. Box 599, Cincinnati, OH 45201;
800-543-1745; www.oilofolay.com

Oral-B (Procter & Gamble), 600 Clipper Dr., Belmont, CA 94002-4119;
415-598-5000; www.oralb.com

Pantene (Procter & Gamble), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202;
800-945-7768; www.pantene.com

Physique (Procter & Gamble), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202;
800-214-8957; www.physique.com

Playtex Products (Banana Boat), 300 Nyala Farms Rd., Westport, CT 06880; 203-
341-4000; www.playtex.com

Procter & Gamble Co. (Clairol, Cover Girl, Crest, Gillette, Giorgio, Iams, Max
Factor, Physique, Tide), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati, OH 45202; 513-
983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.pg.com

Reckitt Benckiser (Easy Off, Lysol, Mop & Glo, Old English, Resolve, Spray ’N
Wash, Veet, Woolite), 399 Interpace Pkwy., Parsippany, NJ 07054; 973-633-3600;
800-333-3899; www.reckittbenckiser.com

Richardson-Vicks (Procter & Gamble), One Procter & Gamble Plz., Cincinnati,
OH 45202; 513-983-1100; 800-543-1745; www.pg.com

Schering-Plough (Bain de Soleil, Coppertone, Dr. Scholl’s), 2000 Galloping Hill
Rd., Kenilworth, NJ 07033-0530; 800-842-4090; www.sch-plough.com

S.C. Johnson (Drano, Edge, Fantastik, Glade, OFF!, Oust, Pledge, Scrubbing
Bubbles, Shout, Skintimate, Windex, Ziploc), 1525 Howe St., Racine, WI 53403;
800-494-4855; www.scjohnson.com

SoftSoap Enterprises (Colgate-Palmolive), 300 Park Ave., New York, NY 10022;
800-221-4607; www.colgate.com

Suave (Unilever), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632; 212-888-1260;
800-782-8301; www.suave.com

Unilever (Axe, Dove, Lever Bros., Suave, Sunsilk), 800 Sylvan Ave., Englewood
Cliffs, NJ 07632; 212-888-1260; 800-598-1223; www.unilever.com

Reward Instead of Punishment

I have never really understood why our society teaches to punish bad behaviors, but not reward for the good. If someone does what they are supposed to, then they are ignored. There have been countless stories about children in this dynamic. The one child who makes good grades, stays out of trouble and lives life doing the right thing is overlooked while the child who doesn’t do quite as well in school, gets into trouble and makes mistakes has attention poured on them. Granted, this attention is usually negative but any attention is better than no attention. At least, that’s what most child psychologists will explain to exasperated parents. And as so many things in life, that which we learn as children carries over into our adult life.

In an ideal world, perhaps those who did the right thing wouldn’t need praise because there wouldn’t be so many negative aspects. However, let’s be realistic. The world isn’t ideal and the people who do the right thing are lessening all the time. I believe in rewarding people for doing what they’re supposed to do. I’m not sure where the idea that doing right means not receiving love and appreciation, but I would wager a guess it can be traces through religion (specifically Christianity), but that may just be my bias. Specifically…

I believe when a man does not beat his wife, he should be praised and appreciated. I’m sure everyone can agree that men have always been the dominant figure. They are taught to only show “strong” emotions, and never weakness like sadness, mercy, or sympathy. Men are taught that they must defend their home, their families, and their country. Men are taught that to be men they must take part in “man” activities which are often violent, such as contact sports and hunting. Men are encouraged to undervalue women, to not maintain committed long-term relationships, and to gratify their animalistic desires to procreate, dominate, and destroy. Thus, when a man realizes that what society teaches them is wrong, that they don’t have to resort to violence, or be “tough” or dominate, they deserve to be praised.

When parents don’t beat their children, they deserve to be recognized and appreciated. So many things go into this. Violence often comes from people who lack the ability to express themselves with words, and our society has a history of oppressing every emotion, especially those deemed “sinful”. People still have not learned to communicate, or how to not control. Parents are taught to see their children as property that they have to control and mold, like some sort of pet. Women were also forced into the role of motherhood, unable to use birth control to stop unwanted pregnancies or have abortions when mistakes happen. They were forced into marriage and taught that they weren’t people, but living incubators whose sole purpose was to create life and obey their husbands. Men were forced into the role of fathers and husbands, before they even reached maturity. See above point concerning men and violence. Another factor is parents were taught to discipline their children with violence, do we forget the phrase “spare the rod, spoil the child”? Therefore, when parents learn that they cannot control every aspect of their child and cannot beat these children into submission, they should be praised. When parents learn that the way they were raised, and the discipline they received was not the most healthy way, they should be praised. When they realize their parents were human, and made mistakes, and they should learn from these mistakes and try to find a better way to raise their children, they should be praised. When parents realize they need to use their words to express disappointment, pain, fear, uncertainty instead of violence, they should be praised. When women know they don’t have to be mothers, and instead are able to make an educated choice from desire and love, they should be praised. When people stop looking at having children as an unfortunate event, something that ruins their life, and ends all their dreams, they should be praised.

I could go on for pages. I could list the reasons why someone who owns their privilege should be praised, or a teenager who doesn’t succumb to peer pressure to have sex or do harmful drugs, or when people aren’t homophobic or racist or sexist should be praised. We all know the stereotypes. We have to look at the state of the world, and see that obviously “punish the sin” only mentality is not working. People are tired of feeling ashamed when they make a mistake and being ignored when they try to be good people. Folks are sick of being grouped in with the negative, and being called out and insulted when they try to stand up and disassociate themselves.

It has always been my policy in life to ignore those who do the horrible things, because no attention is worse than calling them out, and to lavish praise, appreciation and acceptance on those who do the right thing.

Know Your Voting Rights: Write-in

With the election coming up, there have been more and more campaigns for voting. People who aren’t registered, or who choose not to vote, are splattered with names and accusations. These people are referred to as apathetic, or told they don’t have a right to voice their opinions about the state of their country due to this. I don’t agree at all. Someone who doesn’t vote still has every right to disagree. Let’s be honest here, voting does not always mean anything. I’m sure we all remember in 2000 when Al Gore won the popular vote but was still not elected as president. I am not encouraging people to stop voting, nor am I saying that voting does not count. What I am saying is the current way the system works, and the way people view elections, causes the system, in part, to fail.

Growing up I thought there were two possible choices for president. These were a Democratic candidate and a Republican one. I didn’t even realize there were other parties. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that anyone even clued me into the fact there was numerous political parties. I live in a rural area in the South, so obviously my education was indicative to my surroundings. My family is Democratic and no other political view is given any merit or allowed discussion in their homes. My situation is not dissimilar to many Americans. From an early age the elections seem to be two party, the media, the population, the educational system, they all revolve around two parties. It doesn’t help that a majority of the presidents have been members of these two parties. Thus people believe they have to choose between two people. That’s all the choice they have.

This is where I understand why people feel voting doesn’t matter. Presidential candidates, especially those of the Democratic and Republican parties, spend hundreds of millions of dollars for campaigning. Where does this money come from? Easy. It comes from lobbyist, organizations, and individuals all with their own agendas for how politics should go. Now, it would seem that a candidate would only receive donations from these places if they coincide with the candidate’s policies, only, let’s face reality. An organization is going to support whoever they think will win in order to get their agenda pushed. That’s the way this country works. We’re capitalists, money makes the world go ’round as unfortunate as it is. I’m not saying all candidates are crooks or there are bribes going on, but I am saying that when a corporation has a larger donor, that donor gets more perks than anyone else. A President can have all the best intentions in the world, but once they are elected those large donors want to see their money being put to good use. It’s frustrating and infuriating to realize this. I know when I took a PoliSci class I felt my heart break. I really felt as though the election didn’t matter and I had no say about how my country was going to be run.

Then my professor brought up the other political parties, that one could write-in candidates and voters weren’t stuck voting for one of two people. Holy Crackers, why did no one clue me into this fact from the beginning? There are candidates who don’t get hundreds of millions of dollars in donations and therefore are less likely to be a puppet on strings? I’m in.

Now, each state has it’s own procedure on who qualifies as a write-in. The write-in candidates are sometimes hard to find, but a little googlefu often works wonders. I found a list on wikipedia. There are other websites which provide information also. I have tried to find resources off-line which provide all the candidates running for president, but have been unable to do so. I’m sure the local voter’s registration office would provide some information on how to find out though.

I think it’s important for those people who feel their vote doesn’t count to be educated on the fact there are other options. I do agree voting between Democrat and Republican doesn’t mean much. Yes, their campaigns and policies can be quite different but once they get into office, is change really going to be obtainable? I’m skeptical to say the least. However, if people are able to move away from the focus of two parties, to see the vast selection that is there but less publicized, I think that is the kind of voting that could change things. I look at candidates like Nader, who has been running every term since 1994 on a shoestring budget, without other people telling him where to stand and not needing to kiss the asses of any group, and I wonder if more people saw this man, standing on his own, trying to speak for the people instead of the organizations, would folks still feel there is no hope?

So, instead of telling people to vote or die, calling them apathetic, hurling insults and criticism, and trying to dictate what rights they have based on whether they do something you feel they should do, perhaps take another route. Ask the if they’re aware of write-in candidates, if they know about the other presidential options, see if it’s ignorance that’s standing in the way. It might make all the difference, I know it has for me.